A Pebble in the Hand
by Death-By-Bacon
Summary: With three years of intense training ahead, Naruto and Jiraiya venture out into the world, facing dangers, jumping on trash cans and...battling fan clubs? The true tale of Naruto's untold three years. Humor/Crackish
1. Chapter 1

Author's Notes: Yes, I am alive. I have now, for you, a new story I hope you will enjoy. Instead of the sequel story of _The Three Years_, I bring you another, hopefully just as satisfying, story.

I came across an old review that asked for a "Three Years" story with (instead of good old Sasuke) Naruto and Jiraya. At the time I gave the idea no thought, but now finding it months later, I've decided to go along with it. And I'm enjoying myself.

Hopefully, I'll have lot of material for this one, and I hope it makes you guys laugh. (That's what I'm here for, even if I don't think I'm funny…) Please enjoy my new story and thanks for putting up with my lazy attitude till now and beyond. Love ya all!

Chapter 1

The "Other" Beginning

Heroically, Naruto turned back to see the village he was leaving. Konoha: the place he'd called home for all his life and now he was departing for three whole years. Jiraiya, his teacher, stood waiting for him a few paces forward. Everything seemed okay, except…

"Why's no one here…?" Naruto mumbled suddenly.

"Huh?" Jiraiya yawned.

"Sakura…and my friends! None of them came so see me off!" Naruto snapped.

"It's really not that exciting." Jiraiya sighed.

"Of course it is!" Naruto growled. "It's me! _I'm leaving_! Doesn't that matter to anyone?"

A man walking near the gate turned to Naruto and shouted, "It matters to me!"

Jiraiya leaned over to Naruto. "You know him?" he asked and Naruto shook his head slowly.

"Anyways," Jiraiya stretched. "We really should be off now. Your friends will see you in three years."

"But…won't they miss me?" Naruto sniffed. This was defiantly the time to use boyish tears.

Jiraiya shrugged. "I'll bet the reason they're not here is that…they're all busy."

"Really?"

_Somewhere in Konoha…_

Sakura and the other rookie ninjas (and Team Gai) were all seated at one of the biggest tables of a very nice looking restaurant.

"Lee," Sakura said suddenly. "Are you sure Naruto said he was leaving tonight and not earlier?"

"I asked him myself." hiccupped Lee while he poured the contents of two bottles onto his curry; one labeled _Hot Sauce_ and the other _Vodka_.

"Why are we even here, anyways?" Kiba asked, looking around.

"I'm not sure." Sakura said, thoughtfully. "But for some strange, odd reason, I woke up this morning and felt the urge to…celebrate. Weird, huh?"

"That's what I felt, too." Choji muttered in wonder. "I wonder why…"

"I didn't feel like that…" Hinata sniffed, clearly looking depressed.

"No one cares what you think." Shino told her quietly.

_Back to our heroes…_

"Yeah," Naruto said, nodding. "I'm sure they're just busy. We only just ended the filler arch yesterday."

"That's right." Jiraiya agreed, glad now that his pupil was not going to break down into tears. "Let's go."

Naruto did a last and _very cool _fist pump towards Konoha, as if to acknowledge the village in the only was he knew possible: gangsta-style. When he was finished being to total G that he is (or thinks he is), he followed his teacher quickly through the trees.

On any usual day of traveling, Naruto usually acted himself; talking a mile-a-minute…that sort of thing. But today was different. Naruto was silent and Jiraya was silent. Finally after an hour or so, Jiraiya looked over at his pupil.

"You…um, excited to start intense training?" he mumbled awkwardly.

"Yeah, sure." Naruto sighed. Again awkward quietness fell.

After another ten or fifteen minutes, Naruto looked back at Jiraiya.

"What the heck are we suppose to do for three years?" Naruto asked.

"Train, I suppose." Jiraiya shrugged. "Wasn't that the main idea?"

"Aren't we doing anything else?" Naruto groaned.

"Look, isn't this what you asked for?" Jiraiya mumbled impatiently. "You know, to save Sasuke?"

A sudden look of utter depression fell onto Naruto's face and Jiraiya stopped talking immediately.

The two leapt monkey-style through the trees for another three boring hours until they both came to a small inn.

"We'll stay here for the night." Jiraiya announced.

"It's only four in the afternoon." Naruto sighed. "We still have a lot more time to keep going."

"Do as I say." Jiraiya growled, walking forward to the check-in lady. When they reached her, Jiraiya leaned in elbow on the surface of the desk in the coolest way possible. (For someone who's fifty, at least.)

"Hey," he grinned in a smooth voice. Behind him, Naruto pretended to gag.

The girl looked up from her magazine. "Here for a room?"

"Sure am, darling." Jiraiya chuckled. The girl looked over his shoulder in concern for his young, blond companion, who was making odd faces and sounds.

"Is he okay?" she whispered. "He looks sick."

"I'm sick, too." Jiraiya said loudly, shoving Naruto out for her vision. "Sick of being lonely. Do you feel the same?"

"Okay, that's enough!" Naruto snapped, pushing his was back into view. "One room please. Ignore him, he's my senile grandfather."

"I am not your grandfather!" Jiraiya snapped. "And I am not senile!"

"How could you say that to me?" Naruto suddenly sobbed with such emotion he _actually_ looked upset. "You're the only family I have!"

"Sir, is there a problem?" the woman said, coldly.

"We just need a room." he said through a forced smile. When the woman handed them their keys, Jiraiya dragged Naruto firmly away by the collar of his hunter's-orange jacket.

Jiraiya opened the door quickly and shoved Naruto in first. "Bed."

"I'm not five, ya' know." Naruto pouted.

"Could've fooled me, with that behavior." Jiraiya grumbled. "Look, I'm going to bed too. I'm tired."

"Because you're old?" Naruto muttered under his breath. Jiraiya looked over at him but seemed to not have heard and continued to put out some bedding. When he was done Naruto got into his own pile of blankets and was quiet.

"What do you expect training to be like?" Jiraiya asked suddenly. "I just wanted to know what you've been guessing this'll be."

"I haven't thought much about that." Naruto said honestly. "I've more been thinking about what I'll be like afterwards."

"Really."

"Yeah…" Naruto grinned and slowly fell into a day dream…

_Naruto's Fantasy World_

It was midday and suddenly a pink-haired, gorgeous girl spun around in surprise. "Naruto!" she cried. "You're back so soon!"

"I know, Sakura." said a very handsome-looking ninja whispered. "I exceeded Master's expectations and we came home with a year to spare."

"Oh, Naruto!" she blushed. "You must be really strong and brave now!"

"You'd better believe it." he grinned. "Just watch: I can shoot lasers…_from my eyes_!" And with that he blew up a nearby building with red bursts of light from his eyes. Sakura beamed at him.

"I can pick up…_really heavy things_!" Naruto bellowed. "With only my pinkie finger!" And he pulled a heavy boulder off from the ground and chucked it.

"I'm also a wonderful dancer." Naruto told her in the most heroic way possible. "But that's not all I can do." And with that, he levitated off the ground.

"You can fly!?" Sakura cried with delight. Naruto zipped around her head for a moment before answering, "Yes, indeed."

Still floating, he held his hand to her. "Would you like me to take you for a ride?" he asked, looked so cool by the way.

"Oh, Naruto!" she breathed. Gently she grabbed his hand. Before lifting off they both looked over at the beautiful sunset (it WAS midday a moment ago but through Naruto's amazing travels he had discovered the solution to time travel). They ascended, flying gracefully over the village, towards a rainbow in the distance…

"That won't ever happen." Jiraya snorted. "Ninjas can't fly."

"Ninjas can do anything." Naruto shot back. "That's the way of the ninja."

"Whatever." Jiraiya mumbled rolling over. "'Night."

Naruto sat there for a moment, then sat up quickly. "What am I doing, it's only 4:30!"

He swiftly got up off the ground, grabbed the spare key and left. There was still so much to do. If Jiraiya wasn't going to start training today, Naruto would just start without him.

Despite his reckless, hasty, and sometimes not well-thought-out behavior, Naruto was pretty good at training. After all, he'd learned the shadow-clone technique (a very high-ranked clone ability) in just five hours even before he had ever become a ninja. This was probably the only reason Jiraiya put up with the obnoxious behavior. (It was either that or he was his secret, long-lost godfather. You never really know these things.) With this said, training usually made Naruto confident, and he enjoyed it through and through.

But today was different. No, today was all about proving himself. Because minutes before, Naruto had faced disappointment. But no longer.

"I will stand up for what I believe in!" Naruto shouted once he'd climbed to the roof of the inn. "Because I'm Naruto, and I won't let anyone tell me what's what!"

And with that he gave a mighty roar.

***

It was almost around eight-o-clock when Jiraiya woke from his nap. He was just about to wake Naruto up to go get some food but found Naruto's bedding to be empty with a small note on the pillow which was not mentioned in the narrating beforehand.

_Dear Master,_

_I've got things to do. If you really need me, I'm outside the inn. Believe it._

_Naruto_

Jiraiya stared at it blankly. What the hell was Naruto doing outside? He pocketed the note and walked out to go find him.

"Naruto!" he shouted when he finally got to the front door. "Naruto, where are you? I'm hungry, dammit! And I'm not gonna wait for you to hold me up from dinner."

A sudden bright light emitted from the bushes, pointing upward. Jiraiya turned to see Naruto, wearing a sheet around his neck and glowing under the spotlight.

"Jiraiya-sensei!" he bellowed. "I'm here to prove something to you! You can just go watch _Good Will Hunting_ by yourself!"

Jiraiya groaned. "What is it, Naruto? I'm hungry."

"Behold!" Naruto snapped. "I will show you the greatness of the way of the ninja!"

"You aren't doing what I think you're doing, right?" Jiraiya moaned suddenly.

"I'm going to show you ninja's CAN fly." Naruto snapped, jamming a pointed finger down at the nonbeliever.

"We don't have time for this, Naruto!" Jiraiya complained. "Get down right now!"

"No!"

Naruto held both arms and closed his eyes. A sudden gust of wind fluttered the linen cape against the night sky.

_This is so awesome_, Naruto thought. _I've never felt so alive_.

He suddenly opened his eyes. "For Sakura!" he cried and leapt…

For a split second, Jiraiya actually believed Naruto was ascending into the sky…that is, of course, until he dropped like a stone.

Bruised and possibly scarred for life, Naruto groaned on the ground. Jiraiya simply looked down is dismay.

"Sorry kid." he sighed. "You tried."

"I think it worked." Naruto mumbled pathetically as he stood up. "You saw it; wasn't I flying."

Jiraiya shook his head.

"Naruto," he began. "I'll just say this now: you won't be flying in three years. Your training will make allow you to do better than flying. You're going to be really strong soon."

Naruto gaped in disbelief. Was Jiraiya…showing rare kindness? Jiraiya seemed to realize Naruto was took shocked to answer, so he grabbed him by the shoulders and hoisted him away.

"Come on." he sighed. "I'm sure you're hungry, too. Let's go get some dinner."

The two walked back inside, knowing their journey was far from over. What adventures await these two unlikely companions? I don't even expect you people and answer these questions! Tune in next time for,

_"Transformers! Ninjas in disguise" _

Author's Notes: It kinda feels good to write again. I'm enjoying this story so far (which is a very good sign) and I hope to see this story to the end.

_"You can just go watch Good Will Hunting on your own!" –Ludo_

See ya'll later!


	2. Gonna Fly Now

Author's Notes: Hahaha…yeah. It's been a while since I posted any chapter. Sorry.

But in my defense, I had a lot of crap going on. The one week I had decided I'd write and finish this chapter I got really sick. Lost my voice, felt like my throat was ripping to pieces, that sort of thing. And I had lots of tests to study for. And ballet exams. Flute choir. (Yes, I play the flute AND the _bass flute_. Google that, children.) Auditions. IT'S TOO MUCH FREAK'N CRAP! Gah…! But I must say at least I'm writing it. So far so good. :D

Chapter 2

Gonna Fly Now

The sun was shining very brightly that morning when Naruto woke up. It was going to be a good day, he decided. After all, the official training was to begin.

Naruto leapt out of bed with more spring than usual. In fact, he looked almost as if he were…dare we say…dancing. He twirled to his bag and pulled out a super yummy Ninja Energy Bar and gobbled it down with gusto. (Fancy word.)

Jiraya's bedding was empty. He was probably waiting for Naruto outside or at least preparing for the rest of the day.

Naruto was so happy, he almost didn't realize Gamakichi, one of Jiraya's large frogs, sitting on the table. The orange frog nearly blended in with a bowl of mangos, and Naruto walked past him.

"Hey, kiddo!" he grinned. "Nice to see you."

Naruto's jaw dropped at the sound of his voice and without warning, he chucked a kunai in the frog's direction.

"Hey!" Gamakichi snapped. "Cut that out!"

Naruto looked slightly embarrassed. "Sorry," he mumbled. "I thought there was a talking mango…" Gamakichi raised an eyebrow. (Well, he doesn't have eyebrows but I think you understand.)

"Leave me alone!" Naruto snapped. "I've got a lot of people who want to do me in! I have to protect myself!"

"Like who?"

"There's Akatsuki…and Kabuto…and Orochimaru…" Naruto said quietly, counting on fingers. "Sasuke maybe…Sakura on a bad day…any one else who's got a grudge against me…"

"That's nice…" Gamakichi sighed. "You ready to train?"

"You know it!" Naruto grinned. "I even had a dream about it!"

"Another weird dream?" Gamakichi groaned. "Damn, you really get a lot of those."

"I could share…" Naruto beamed. "I know you want to know."

"I don't." Gamakichi grumbled. "Just get outside. I'll go tell Jiraya you're coming."

When he was gone, Naruto smiled again. Remembering the wise words of Rock Lee, Naruto did a little run in place because it was suppose to "enhance your excitement and youthful joy." And boy was Lee right…for once. It made Naruto feel _fantastic_!

With great speed, Naruto leapt out of the hotel room and down the stairs. In his excitement, he skipped running down the second floor and instead leapt out an open window. He clumsily got up off the ground (after crashing head-first into it) and took off again for his teacher.

Jiraya was waiting under a nearby tree; his arms folded and his expression bored. As Naruto came closer, he gave him a stern look.

"Nice sleep?" he scowled. Naruto pouted.

"No one woke me up." he snapped. "And besides, I'm on time."

Jiraya looked down at his ninja watch, his eyebrows raised. "So you are…my mistake. Now let's begin."

"Flying lesions!" Naruto cried happily.

"No more flying." Jiraya snapped. "Ninjas can't fly!"

There was a suddenly strange, tense silence. Finally, Jiraya clapped his hands together and sighed.

"Well, no point in sitting here. Let's go."

Naruto (who by now I'm sure you know loves to train for some abnormal reason) began to bounce and gleefully skipped after Jiraya like a four-year-old at Disney World. Jiraya was completely used to his stupid little behaviors, but that didn't mean it didn't annoy him.

"Stop it, kid." he whispered. "Ninjas also don't skip. You're embarrassing."

"No one's here." Naruto snapped. "And besides, ninjas CAN skip."

Jiraya stopped the argument there. It would have just gotten out of hand.

"Okay," he said after another few minutes of walking. "Here we are."

They had walked to an open field surrounded by trees. It was wonderful, Naruto thought. They even had an old playground on one side of the field that was so battered it looked as though the children had murdered each other on it. It certainly looked like it was haunted by the ghosts of children who had been strangled by the swing sets. But enough of that.

"We'll start with push-ups." Jiraya announced. "Lots and lots of push-ups. And while you do that I'll put rocks on your back. That should make it harder."

"Oh boy!" Naruto beamed. "This is so cool!"

Immediately, Naruto dropped down and began an array of push-ups. Jiraya blinked at this and left to go find a rock to use.

Naruto just felt AWESOME!

Finally Jiraya began to come back, pulling a rock the size of Might Gai behind him. It actually looked like a weathered Gai statue and probably was, but it looked like angry and annoyed fans had torn it down. Can't say why. (SARRRRRRRCASM)

He stood the old statue up between Naruto's shoulder blades and the instant Jiraya let go of it Naruto fell on his face.

"Get up! Work harder! Maggot!" it seemed Jiraya was so bored he couldn't put sentences together.

"You've got to be kidding!" Naruto gasped. "I thought you'd get something smaller!"

"I'm sorry." Jiraya said. Naruto looked up in confusion. Wasn't Jiraya mad at him a moment ago for falling? Now he was apologizing?

"To make it up to you, here." he pulled something out of his coat, broke it, and shoved one between Naruto's teeth. "Have a popsicle."

And he walked away.

"That's weird." Gamakichi sighed, bouncing over to Naruto. "Hey kid."

"Does Jiraya-sensei have ADD?" Naruto whispered. "Is he bi-polar? Gama, should I be concerned?"

"Old age brings a great deal of problems." Gamakichi said simply. "But he very well MIGHT be bi-polar."

"I knew it!" Naruto hissed.

***

It seemed whenever Jiraya had stopped yelling at Naruto he'd always give him a popsicle. So after about thirteen popsicles Naruto had had it. He was tired, he was full, and he was starting to get annoyed with the mood swings. So when the day was finally over, and the two walked back to the inn, Naruto couldn't help but feel relived.

"Hey, sensei?" he said suddenly as a strange idea came to mind.

"Yeah?"

"What do you think Akatsuki is doing?" he asked.

Jiraya looked away. Secretly, this was the only reason he'd said he'd train Naruto: to get him away from them as much as possible.

"I'm not sure." Jiraya said truthfully. "Perhaps it's just to evil to think about…"

_Far away in on of Akatsuki's lairs…_

"Really now, Itachi." Kisame sighed. "Must we?"

"Kisame." said the Uchiha sounding tense and irritated. "If we're going to finish these portraits, you have to trust me. I am an expert after all."

"But…!" Kisame began, but Itachi poked his head from behind the camera and glared.

"Kisame!" he snarled. "Who in this room is a professional Victoria's Secret Supermodel?"

"Oh! I know!" cried Pain from the other side of the room. He and his many…ahem…dead bodies were all wearing brown paper bags over their heads because it's much too early to show what they really look like. He waited eagerly for Itachi to acknowledge him.

"Yes?" Itachi groaned.

"That would be you, right?" he grinned. (As if you could see his face, but hey…)

"Yes. That would be me." Itachi turned back to Kisame.

"And yes." he said. "The fan is necessary."

"Why?" Kisame asked quietly.

"It makes people look sexier." Itachi explained. "And you…you need the fan, Kisame."

"Okay!" Kisame said, with sudden excitement. "I'm ready. Make me sexy, Itachi!"

"What the hell am I doing here…?" Itachi mumbled too quiet for others to hear.

_Back to the more important people…_

Naruto looked down, trying to hide hidden fear.

"Whatever." Jiraya said quickly, trying his best to lighten the mood. "Good training today."

Naruto perked at that. "Really?" he grinned. "Was I _awesome_?"

"You were okay." Jiraya said quietly. Naruto's smile dropped a little.

***

That night Jiraya made small, microwave cups of ramen. For once Naruto was too full on popsicles to eat one, and thus he was depressed. Jiraya, however, seemed content with his two cups and once more ignored Naruto so he could write more on his typewriter.

Naruto was lying on his back, rubbing his stomach. "Sensei?" he asked. "Where did you go today?"

"I was with you in the field the whole time." Jiraya said quietly.

"You mean your shadow clone was with me." Naruto corrected him. Jiraya glared at him.

"How the hell can you tell the difference from a ninja and his shadow clone?"

"I just can." said Naruto but his creepy yet adorably blue baby-doll eyes grew wider.

Jiraya sighed. "If you must know, I went to get inspired for my novel."

"You didn't…" Naruto gasped.

"I went to a strip club I found in the middle of no where." Jiraya said. "And there's nothing you can do or say about it because I am an adult and you cannot tell me what's what."

"You left me alone with your shadow clone all day so you could go to a strip club." Naruto said slowly, as if the message hadn't quite sunk in.

"Yes."

Once more, awkward silence.

"Oh come on!" Jiraya grumbled. "It's not like it's unexpected! I do this almost every time I train you!"

The poor child's expression turned to horror. "What?"

"You heard me."

"Well next time," Naruto cried but paused while thinking of something to say. "Next time I'll make _your_ shadow clone train _MY_ shadow clone and I'll go to the strip club, too!"

"You're lying."

"I'll do it!" Naruto shouted stubbornly.

Jiraya's fingers paused on the keyboard and suddenly he looked up. "Come with me for a moment." he said. "I have some late night training I just thought of for you to do."

"More training!" Naruto cried, leaping for joy.

"Yep, follow me."

And so Jiraya and Naruto took a quick walk through the woods. At one point, Jiraya slapped his hands over Naruto's ears and covered his eyes with a piece of cloth.

"It's a surprise." he said simply, which made Naruto begin to shimmy with glee.

Blind and deaf, Naruto was wheeled around for what seemed like a few minutes more and (after occasionally crashing into trees) he felt Jiraya shove him through an opening (most likely a door) where Naruto suddenly smelled foul air and a throbbing, bass-like sound.

"Here we are." Jiraya said, flinging off the blindfold and uncapping his ears.

Naruto took two steps in and suddenly fled from the strip club in fright; trying to cling onto his youthful innocence.

***

"That was scary." Naruto mumbled when Jiraya came back through the hotel door. Jiraya had gotten a good laugh out of watching Naruto run away crying like a baby, and decided, since he was there, to enjoy himself for a few hours. He was moderately pleased to see Naruto still shaken.

"I told you not to back sass." Jiraya said simply. "Congratulations, though. You learned a lesson."

Naruto gave him the worst glare he had ever given somebody in his entire twelve years of life and continued to do so until Jiraya had gone to bed. To Naruto's advantage, Jiraya had nightmares about this creepy stare that very night and many more to come.

Everybody wins.

***

And so, after a pointless two days of absolutely no progress in their training, Naruto and Jiraya packed and left the next morning. As the two walked on the lone, dusty trail, Jiraya shoved his hand into his coat, pulled out a blue popsicle and began to eat it.

"Sensei?" Naruto asked.

Jiraya didn't answer. He was getting sick of answering Naruto's questions.

"Why do you have popsicles in you coat?"

Jiraya sighed as if the answer was obvious. "Everyone likes popsicles."

Naruto leaned away to whisper to a small, mango shaped frog in his coat. "I think its Alzheimer's."

He didn't speak to Naruto for a while after.

Authors Notes: Who here is the professional Victoria's Secret Supermodel?

_Kisame needs the fan._


End file.
